funny quotes
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
UnknownDear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at. Just be patient.
UnknownYou remind me of a penny... Two faced and not worth much.
UnknownI've met some pricks in my time, but you sir, are a fucking cactus.
UnknownJust chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.
UnknownMy psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney DangerfieldIf you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.
Marilyn MonroeIt is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.
C. S. LewisFettucini Alfredo is just Macaroni and Cheese for adults.
Mitch HedbergIf you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.
Edgar Allan PoeFrom there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.
Dr. SeussLife is too short to drink bad wine.
Johann Wolfgang von GoetheMoney can buy you a fine dog but only love...
UnknownIโd like every man who doesnโt call himself a feminist to explain to the women in his life why...
UnknownI'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room...
UnknownThe ladies men admire, I've heard, would shudder at a wicked word.
UnknownThere's no worse feeling than lying next to the person you love...
UnknownNever let your best friends get lonely. Keep disturbing them.
UnknownSorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.
UnknownSometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.
Will RogersI am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
UnknownIf I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
UnknownIf I had more time, I would have written you a shorter letter.
Blaise PascalThe best things in life are free, but you can keep them for the birds and bees; I want money.
John LennonA cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
Mark Twain