Laughter Time – The Funniest Quotes Of All Time! Best Of Edition!
We all need some fun stuff in our life from time to time. Or else, we’re going insane. Laughing is the best medicine out there in the world. It can lift our whole mood, it releases endorphins and we get to live longer if we laugh more.
But the power of laughter is beyond that – not only we get to live more, but we lead a happier one too.
We all understand it, it’s part of our universal vocabulary.
So, in honor of that, today I decided to search for some of the funniest quotes our famous and favorite authors ever said.
And I managed to find some pretty funny sayings.
With that saying, I present you the funniest quotes of all time.
Hope you’ll have some fun while you’re reading this. I was in for a treat when I was writing this:
1. “The man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him.” – Oscar Wilde
2. “The best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.” – Phyllis Diller
3. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. “ – Agatha Christie
4. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not”. – Albert Einstein
5. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
6. “At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers
7. “Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don’t have to work for the sex anymore, but you only get 65% as much.” – Aristotle
8. “Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.” – Benjamin Franklin
9. “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry” – Bill Cosby
10. “Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.” – Bill Gates
11.”Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” – Charles M. Schulz
12. “The plural of spouse is spice.” – Christopher Morley
13. “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood
14. “If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
15. “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the store, but that’s just peanuts to space.” – Douglas Adams
16. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
17. “Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” – François de La Rochefoucauld
18. “A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.” – George Carlin
19. “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” – Groucho Marx
20. “I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?” – George Carlin
21. “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.” – Harry S. Truman
22. “Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.” – J. K. Rowling
23. “A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.” – Oliver Herford
24. “I will never understand why they cook on TV. I can’t smell it. Can’t eat it. Can’t taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, ‘Well, here it is. You can’t have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye.’ ” – Jerry Seinfeld
25. “Actually, I don’t remember being born, it must have happened during one of my blackouts.” – Jim Morrison
26. “If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.” – Laurence J. Peter
27. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, “Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.” She said, “We can’t do that!” I told her, “You did it last week!” – Henny Youngman
28. “If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.” – Marilyn Monroe
30. “I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.” – Muhammad Ali
31. “My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.” – Rodney Dangerfield
32. “If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?” – Robin Williams
Now, if you paid attention while laughing, you noticed something else too. They’re not just funny, but also true.
And who said that the truth can’t be funny? Not only we have a great shot at some good laughs, but we also have a good shot at some inspirational and wise jokes too. Win-Win! 🙂