How To: Deal With Haters, Bullies and Mean People.
Today I will bring into the spotlight a subject not so fun – haters and their jealousy. And no, I’m not talking about love-jealousy-couples-do. I’m talking about grumpy people!
Haters gonna hate. Unfortunately, everywhere we look we’re going to find these type of people doing what they only know best – judging other people and being jealous of what they have or do.
A hater will always bring criticism and negativity, no matter what subject we’re talking about. The main emotion that fuels a person like that is envy- that being a cold emotion.
The great Friedrich Nietzsche has a great quote that captures the essence of what I’m trying to write here. It goes like this: “Those that achieve anything that looks beyond the vision and thinking of their peers provoke jealousy and hatred disguised as the ordinary”. So, when you succeed at something, you will get the rewards, but it will also attract some bad parts too. “I hate you” or “I’m jealous of you” really translates to “I’m mad at you because I don’t have what you have”.
But what triggers jealousy and hate? Most of the time it’s all about something material (better clothes, an expensive car, a bigger house, and so on…) or some experience that they can’t forget or accept.
While with adults it’s different because they resume to talking bad about someone behind their backs, teenagers are actually taking it to the extreme, and we’ll focus more on this later.
What makes people hate other people? Let’s see:
- When you own something that they don’t have.
- They think you deserve something else.
- Or they can’t get over the past or over you
- Actually, they have nothing better to do in life (they don’t)
- Some of them need attention because they have low self-esteem.
- They feel the need to put someone down to feel good about themselves in order to feel joy (I feel pity for them)
Talking or treating someone bad once it’s something, but when it’s getting on a different road and it’s done on a daily basis, it’s turning into something else.
When hate and jealous transform into bullying
As I was saying, kids and teenagers take things to another level. If they don’t like someone or something, they don’t stop at speaking and observing it. They take it to the next level. So, next, I will bring up to the table one sensitive subject – Bullying and Cyberbullying, a phenomenon that is getting bigger and bigger, day by day.
First things first. We need to understand what it is and what he/she does. Bullying is when someone is getting hurt by words or actions on purpose, more than once. So there are two types of bullies
- – the ones that aim for emotional abuse
- – the ones that go for physical contact
Bullying can happen anywhere, anytime. Cyberbullying is when things go online – with the use of the technology (the internet, email, cell phones, social media) anyone can harm anyone, even celebrities, and famous people.
Having to face the person you’re trying to abuse can be hard and it takes a lot of courage. Unfortunately, with the social media developing more and more, the online field seems a good idea, gaining a lot of territories. It’s easier to stay anonymous, hiding behind other names and anonymous pictures. Not a lot of these people have the courage and the power to face their victims, and if they do, things get automatically physical. Because they think that’s the only answer.
Nowadays, we tend to post everything about our lives – what we eat, where we spend our free time, where do we travel, what we’re wearing, what car we’re driving. And this kind of stuff will always bring hostility to the table.
Sometimes, it can be some unfinished business from real life, business that’s taken online to be finished. With the use of superficial rumors and the help of false pictures, anyone can start an event like this.
How bullying in real life and online actually works?
It usually starts with one person who starts forming a clique versus someone or they work on their own, in full front spotlight or behind an unfamiliar figure. The group or the individual makes fun of their victims for who they are, the way they dress or they look. One of the first steps is leaving messages on their desks, books or lockers, and only later, after their victims start to feel exposed, so then they move to social media and cell phones, trying to scare them more.
Now, they actually begin to ban their victims from social groups, getting them to want to stay alone, feeling rejected. Another way to do it is by spreading rumors and gossip. Because what hurts most than something you haven’t done or said.
Once this scenario happens, the bullied one actually starts to feel socially unlikable, they get scared, they become unable to talk or interact with other people. Some of these kids suffer from depression, they actually consider suicide (unfortunately, some actually go for it).
They develop really low self-esteem, they can’t eat or sleep normally anymore, so they experience disorders, they start to get low grades, can’t concentrate on school anymore and they do struggle to make any friends. The major problem is that the bullied victim is always manipulated, threatened and advised to stay silent and so they’re afraid to open up to their families.
For teenagers, school is the main center of their social life. And when something like that happens there, of course, they tend to keep to themselves, they step back from any activities out of fear or more rejection. Teachers and family members are always so busy, they don’t notice what’s going on until the damage is already done or until the victims get enough courage to talk about what’s going on.
You’d think that once school’s over, the meanies disappear. In some cases, these people will bring their snarky comments with them every day to work. These are the people who suffered in school. A superior can abuse of power and take advantage of his employees showing not so much appreciation to someone’s true hard work, refusing to give a well-deserved praise for a project or idea.
Other co-workers can try and mess with you at work too. Think about cases of performing jokes on you, or even starting rumors, and even sexual harassment.
How to deal with bullies and haters?
Being a target of this kind of people makes you feel unfit and isolated, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You can always get help, you need to work with others, but mostly to work with yourself.
Here are some steps you can follow to fight against hate and jealousy:
– build self-esteem and self-defense: you have to learn how to deal with this situation and to learn how to let it affect you less
– try and make connections with positive people: even if you feel like you’re all alone, there are people out there willing to help
– you can either ignore the bully (the whole reason they do this is because they want to see their victims getting affected) or you can confront them (use smart words, but expect a physical confrontation, because they lack in the intelligence field).
– last, but not least – the most important step – get help: open to your parents, don’t be afraid of what they’ll think about this or you. Open up to your teacher, tell them about what is happening. And of course, get professional advice from a psychologist.
It was English author A. A. Milne that said: “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think”. We should all keep that in mind.
We all are familiar with what they say – Success is the best revenge. Don’t let them win, you have skills and talent. Use them as a weapon, show everybody you are worth it. And don’t forget, every human is beautiful in their own way.
I hope you find this post inspiring, I hope it can help you realize that better days are always right around the corner.
Images sources – pixabay.com