From A to Z: On How To Get You Free! Life After The End Of A Relationship
“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop,” says this quote about the start and the end of a relationship by Saint Augustine. Because love is one of those important things we all need for a relationship to work (any kind of connection we can have), alongside with communication and respect for each other. But what happens when the love is over?
Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some relationships are just not meant to be. Even if it hurts and it’s hard, it’s much better to go on different roads than to stay in a bad relationship.
Now, even if it wasn’t a perfect relationship, splitting will definitely change your life and your daily routine. Some of us know how to deal with breakups, some of us don’t.
From A to Z: On How To Get You Free!
Today, I will bring you from A to Z, a list of tips and advice on how to deal with your pain. Since I’m a girl, I will write this post for girls. So, if you want to thrive, to improve and move forward after a bad breakup, here is what you need to know and do:
A – Acceptance – The second you realize that you and the love of your life aren’t together anymore, the sky crashes down on you. That’s also the second you need to work and fix your attitude. Don’t be afraid of being single, because it’s not that bad. It’s time to focus more on yourself and do things that you enjoy. Accept that, accept your new status and life.
B – Block him away – I know you think of yourself as a mature, rational and wise woman or girl and that you can manage to see his pictures or posts of Facebook or Instagram. But it’s not going to work that way. So, no texts, no emails, no messages! You need distance right now. And don’t embrace the “let’s stay friends” idea. Avoid any type of contact with him, until you’re in a clear state of mind and body.
C – Cry – Go ahead, get lots of napkins and chocolates, crawl into your bed and take it all out. Crying will only help you release some of the tension and the bad feelings you hold inside. That way you’ll feel a little bit better. Stay away from social media, don’t sneak, take down your couples pictures, even from your house. You’re on an emotional rollercoaster now and you don’t need to spice things up.
D – Do You – Cut or change your hair color, lose some weight or pick up on a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. You can even make a bucket-list and make a challenge out of it, to cross as many ideas from it as you can. And try to spend more time outside – go take long walks in a park, or spend time in your garden (if you’re lucky and you have one at home, even better). It’s not new information that fresh air really does clear your head.
E – Ex – By definition, it’s something from your past, so you need to let it go. Don’t chase him, don’t try and contact him, it’s never a good idea (we’ve covered that already!) If it’s in the past, let it be in the past. Relationship specialists have the perfect exercise for this – every time we get out of our hands and we start to obsess over our exes, we can bring ourselves back to reality by sensing our feet on the ground, relaxing our minds and listen to our breathing for at least 30 seconds. They say you will start to feel more in control of your life and over your thoughts. You’re down on the road of healing when your behavior and feelings are concentrating more on you and your future and less on him and the past.
F – Focus – On you, on your family and friends and on the future. Right now, you’re feeling down and your self-confidence is low too. Get to spend time with the people that cherish you and think highly of you. They will be there for you and they will show you that you are important, you are loved and they will help you regain your self-esteem. You need time to be alone, but don’t exaggerate. And keep in mind that your ex-boyfriend wasn’t the only reason you were happy – you found joy in others, with your family and your friends And don’t be afraid to open up and speak about how are you feeling.
G – Grieve – Again, allow yourself to cry when you need to. Because, there are five stages that you’ll find yourself in – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. Don’t be tough, embrace the flood of emotions that are coming your way, because it’s the only way you’ll break free from them.
H – Honesty – Think about what happened and admit the truth to yourself, because it will help you with your healing process. You need to face the facts that brought you here – just because you’re in love with a person, it doesn’t make you compatible for a future together. Something somewhere happened and it got you here now. Sooner of later, the inevitable would have happened down the line.
I – Ideas – Yes, your relationship ended, but before that, there were reasons that kept you in for so long. Think about that, think about those good times and remember those reasons. The specialists have another cool exercise for you to try – go down memory lane and write down some of those positive ideas, that way you’ll find the good in there, you’ll see where you did right, maybe you’ll figure out where you did wrong ( in case you don’t know). Not only you’ll focus on the good parts of your ex-relationship, but you will find your own value and remember you are worthy.
J – Journal – We all know writing down actually helps, so why not keep a journal about it where you can express your feelings without censoring yourself (like you do when you talk to your mom or your best friend about it). You won’t enjoy it so much, in the beginning, but it will keep you busy. Eventually, it will grow on you or it will become part of your routine. You can always write sad letters (on the traditional piece of paper) to your ex, write it all down and then you can rip it apart, burn it or keep it away in your diary.
K – Knock it off! – The end of a relationship isn’t the end of the world, it means you get a new chance for a new beginning. You need to tell yourself that until you believe it. Don’t fake it till you make it, though. Step by step, believe that what happened opens the door for new opportunities, for new relationships, new experiences. Clear your personal space, let go of the old and create some space for the new.
L – Look Forward – Do not look back at what you’ve had and regret it. Look forward, that’s the whole point. Deal with your past, understand it, accept it and move on. That way you’ll make room the future amazing things. I know, it’s impossible to think that you’ll ever love again, be loved and have a great connection with someone. But you will. Just keep your eyes open and chose wisely this time.
M – Music And Movies – Ah, a double dare right here! There are tons of movies about breakups and so many songs about how to deal with a breakup. how to recover, how to understand it better. Just press play – grab popcorn, tissues, ice-cream and watch a sad romance movie. You can actually learn a thing or two. If you don’t want to cry in front your TV, play some good breakup songs, sing along and then play some great songs about surviving, feeling strong and undefeatable to make you dance around. This can all happen while you’re wearing your sweatpants or your pajamas. And, please, don’t listen to “your old love couple songs.”
N – Next – Once you’re out of a relationship, it’s okay to think about a new one, because that the way it is – we are built to live in pairs. But, give yourself time and don’t get right into another relationship.
O – Optimism – Remember: Great things are right around the corner!
P – Patience – Give yourself time to heal from the past, you have to learn from your mistakes and you need to feel ready for your new future.
Q – Quality & Quantity – Try and spend quality time with your family and your friends. They are the ones that are always there for you, they have the right words for the right times, they know how to make it count.
R – Road to Recovery – While you’re on this break and you’re investing time to yourself try and take long, hot, bubble baths. Not only they relax you to the max, but you’ll also feel cleaned and pampered.
S – Sports – Why not to kill two birds with one stone? Learn to channel your anger, your rage, and your bad feelings in a healthy way – now it’s a good time to try kickboxing. Get the negative stuff out and get in shape too.
T – Time – It’s the one that heals all, right? Give the time some time! That’s all!
U – Understand – Just try and learn from your mistakes, learn from what happened. That way you’ll know what to do and who to avoid next time.
V – Venture – Once you feel better, try and consider a vacation, some place new that you’ve never visited before. It will take your mind off of things. Go on a trip with your friends or family.
W – Work – Get involved in other activities and keep your mind occupied. Either it’s work or school, try and focus on that, it will pay off with good grades or promotion, who knows?! I know you don’t feel like it, but it’s an option to consider.
X – Xerox – No, I’m not talking about xeroxing your face and print it out for fun (although, it doesn’t sound that bad), I’m talking about good feelings, good memories and good things. Remember those and if you can, try and relive them.
Y – You Matter Most – Put yourself first sometimes! Just like that!
Z – Zonk out -Get as much sleep as you can. I know, at night we’re tempted to stay awake and contemplate about everything that happened. But a great good night sleep will help you maintain healthy and in shape.
As you’re moving on with your life, look for the good in people and you’ll see it. Fall in love with your life and you will find that it loves you back! And the rest will just follow…