-quotes

Steven Wright QUOTES

Loading...

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. - Steven Wright

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Steven Wright
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. - Steven Wright

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Steven Wright
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start... - Steven Wright

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start...

Steven Wright
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Steven Wright

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Steven Wright
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - Steven Wright

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Steven Wright
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, What for? - Steven Wright

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, What for?

Steven Wright

You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Steven Wright

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...

Steven Wright