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The planet is fine. The people are fucked. - George Carlin

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

George Carlin

If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

George Carlin

As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality.

George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. - George Carlin

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

George Carlin
If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire. - George Carlin

If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.

George Carlin
The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it - George Carlin

The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it

George Carlin
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - George Carlin

Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

George Carlin

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

George Carlin
There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you. - George Carlin

There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

George Carlin
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. - George Carlin

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

George Carlin
A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. - George Carlin

A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed.

George Carlin
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. - George Carlin

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

George Carlin
Always do whatever's next. - George Carlin

Always do whatever's next.

George Carlin
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. - George Carlin

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

George Carlin
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch. - George Carlin

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

George Carlin
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. - George Carlin

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

George Carlin
Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. - George Carlin

Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

George Carlin
Electricity is really just organized lightning. - George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

George Carlin

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

George Carlin
Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning. - George Carlin

Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.

George Carlin

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

George Carlin
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. - George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

George Carlin
Everyone smiles in the same language. - George Carlin

Everyone smiles in the same language.

George Carlin

Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-year supply of brake fluid.

George Carlin